Lessons Learned

Prior to our arrival in Barcelona, I had heard from many folks who had either traveled, or lived, abroad that I will find Spain to be a relaxed, slower way of life. They sit down to drink their coffee, they take a long 1-2 hour lunch complete with three courses and cocktails, and, most importantly, they work to live, not the other way around. Who wouldn't want this? Sign me up! I had assumed when I arrived here in Spain, that mindset would wash over me, instantly creating an easy-going more relaxed version of myself.

This did not happen.

I think it was that expectation -- that I would seamlessly slide into a completely new persona-- that made my transition as difficult as it was. Because it was difficult. The first two months here were really more about survival than anything else, as evidenced by my extremely sparse blog entries :) I am happy to say that as of the last two weeks, I have eased into a happier, more settled lifestyle and mindset. My chest no longer aches when I think about our old house and town (well, maybe it still does a little), I no longer wonder what we were thinking coming here, or feel like everyone here is silently judging me for being an American in Barcelona. The folks in my neighborhood seem to now realize we are here to stay...the ones I pass on a daily basis who smile warmly and greet us with a wave. I have the confidence to find what I need, ask for what I want, and attempt this all in Spanish. I have a network of wonderful new friends who offer comic relief, tips, and insight into this experience. All of this has allowed me to look back on what was a rather difficult first 2.5 months here in Barcelona. Yes, we were also all ridiculously sick this whole time, and yes, moving anywhere comes with its own truckload of stress, but ultimately I think it was the pressure I put on myself to assimilate that caused a lot of my unrest.

I've heard it before -- you can't run away from your problems. This is not to say I have problems to run away from, but rather it was coming to terms with the fact that a person does not change simply because their environment does. I was a multitasking mother of two very young children coming from the suburbs of Boston. My day was about efficiency. Coming here was like shoving a square peg into a round hole. Yes, Barcelona is an incredible city that I wish everyone has the chance to see and experience, but that doesn't make it any less difficult to realize that you need to completely change your approach to life if you want to a.) enjoy this experience, and b.) grow as a person.

You have to change. You have to slow down. You have to embrace this new lifestyle, and stop trying to live your old one. This is not vacation, this is us, here for two years, trying to raise a family in a completely unfamiliar environment. If I was going to survive, I had to stop the endless mind spinning -- the "shoulding" myself to death. I needed to let go of the expectations, open my eyes, and see what was in front of me. Because I was missing it. And I don't want to miss another second.

I think one of the big turning points for me was talking to an old friend on Skype one day -- one who is facing her own challenges in life -- who told me "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change".

And so that's what I did. I think it's a realization every person must come to at one point or another in their lives.

How did I do this? I came to some logical conclusions pertaining to our daily life here. Granted, it took me about 3 or 4 times running into a brick wall before I finally stopped what I was doing, but once I did, life became a whole lot easier.

#1 -- KEEP IT SIMPLE. Eat local, fresh food. Better yet, get what is in season. Fresh fruit, bread, veggies, olives, cheese, wine, and, of course, ham are amazingly fresh and cheap. If you can stick to these most days, you will save a lot of hassle (and money). If it is something that exists outside of Poblenou, ask myself "Do I really need this?". Yes, it is important to leave my part of the city for entertainment and exploration purposes, but it was the trips across the city for things like maple syrup and sound machines that were causing more stress than it was worth. These excursions were never enjoyable and were often met with more frustration than anything else. If it is hard to get here, you probably don't need it.

#2 -- SLOW DOWN. OK, the stores here open at 10am, close around 2pm, and don't open back up until 5pm (most days more like 5:30, or whenever folks feel like moseying back to work). Everything closes early on Saturday (usually around 3pm) and nothing is open on Sunday or the 100+ holidays here in Spain. Basically, whenever you need a store to be open, it's not. The was frustrating at first, but it really helps you shift your focus -- errands are always secondary here. If you can do it, great, if not, go back to your life which doesn't involve running to and from stores. I've learned not to get coffee to go, you won't enjoy it, and it will probably end up spilling down the length of the mall (see previous blog entry). I sit down outside, in the sun, with my baby girl and enjoy a cafe con leche. Look around. Listen and see the amazing things around me. The ten minutes I would save balancing that coffee in the crook of my arm isn't worth it. On the same note, if all I end up doing during the day is getting milk and bread at the store, I'm not going to sweat it. My happiness isn't worth a night of self loathing because I didn't cross everything off my to-do list.

#3 -- LIFE IS NO LONGER DEFINED BY MY CAREER. This one is hard. I grew up in a generation of folks that was extremely competitive and career focused.  I spent a lot of time and money in order to realize my dream career.  It was, and is, the perfect job for me, and I felt lucky every day when I went to work -- no joke, EVERY DAY at work I sat down at my desk and smiled, still amazed that I was finally doing what I had dreamed of doing. Now, I very willingly came to Spain, knowing full well that I could not work as a nurse practitioner here, but never anticipated the shift I needed to make in my own mind in order to be OK with that. And even though it's not like I'm sitting around drinking wine with my feet up all day -- two children are plenty of work (often TOO much work), but you still have to come to terms with the feelings of inadequacy that creep in when you leave your career behind. I can no longer define myself in terms of achievements. My sense of purpose, and feeling of accomplishment, needs to come from within now. My experiences will define my day. That's not an easy shift to make. I have found some freelance medical writing work to keep me involved in the field and provide a thoughtful outlet to my week, and do have some plans in the works for some other women's health related work here in Barcelona, but it is no longer who I am. I'm on a new path now, and I need to trust that it is where I need to be.

# 4 -- IF YOU START TO FEEL DEPRESSED YOU AREN'T DRINKING ENOUGH. An important point made by my new ex-pat friends, and I think speaks for itself. Let's not jump to any worried assumptions that we are turning into drunk, belligerent parents...Just simply embracing the European attitude on drinking which basically incorporates a drink into anytime of day. Beer for breakfast? Why not. (This one I have not yet attempted) Beer at the zoo? Of course. Wine with lunch? A given. Why have a glass of sangria when you can get a pitcher? Which also leads me to the next lesson learned...

#5 -- IF YOU MUST GO TO IKEA IN SPAIN BE SURE START THE TRIP AT THE CAFETERIA WITH A BEER. Again, a vital suggestion made by an ex-patter which has made all the difference. Chris and I had to bring both children to IKEA this past weekend...which is a blog entry in itself. Moral of the story, we kicked the trip off with two soft serve ice-cream cones for the kids, and one beer a piece for us, and the trip was exponentially more enjoyable for all. Well, the kids enjoyment ended when the cone was finished, but we had successfully numbed the pain for the rest of the 2 hour walk through. We smiled through two screaming fits, laughed at a complete soak through pee-in-pants session, and shrugged off dealing with sketch ball delivery men. Highly, HIGHLY recommend this tip.

So there you have it...my lessons learned. Now, with all the deeps stuff behind us, it's time to start livin' it up!