Do I Kiss the Vet?

"Do I kiss the Vet?"

Actual question I asked to Chris just before our vet arrived at our home.  Sounds crazy, right?  Who kisses their vet?  I'll tell you.

People in Spain.

I told myself I wasn't going to do this.  I wasn't going to blog about the double kiss.  Cause blogging about the double kiss means I put thought into the double kiss, and putting thought into the double kiss means I'm not cool and natural when it comes to the double kiss.  However, after I almost kissed an Italian (female) relative of Chris's co-worker on the lips at a wedding this summer after a double kiss crash and burn, I'm pretty sure the cat was way out of the bag that I'm neither cool nor natural when it comes to European greetings.

And you ask yourself..."What was she doing kissing her husband's, co-worker's, brother's, wife in the first place?"  Exactly.

You'd think my semester abroad back in college would have helped school me on the rules and etiquette, especially since the French throw in a whole new level of difficulty with THREE kisses instead of two.  But, no.  Here I am, twelve years later, and just as clueless as I was back then. In case anyone out there is wondering, the double kiss is the air kiss greeting when you basically bump both cheeks and make a kissing smacking sound as you do it.  Harmless enough, yet it isn't the act of air kissing that boggles my mind...it's the who and when of it all.

Thing is, I like guidelines.  Rules.  Something you can learn, then follow.  For instance:  Handshakes or Hugs = Double kisses.  Replace one for the other.  Simple, easy.  NOPE.  I arrive at Chris's work one day to pick up a set of keys because I had locked myself out.  I was annoyed and sweaty.  I creep up to Chris's desk, tap him on the shoulder and quietly ask him for the keys.  Next thing I know, every guy Chris works with within a 10 meter radius is hopping up from their desk to come over and kiss me hello.  In hindsight this was a sweet and wonderful  "ain't Europe grand" kinds of experiences, but in that moment I'm thinking...seriously?  We're doing this now?

That's just it.  There's no rhyme or reason.  I think this whole kiss thing is a secret language that no one wants to teach because they all secretly enjoy watching us (me?) squirm.  When we start to pick up the trail, they throw us off with a curve ball...like changing up the kissing from left to right, to right to left (the patented move of my Italian buddy at the wedding).  Even better -- different countries have different rules, so then you are faced with the even more complicated issue of figuring out if you follow the rule of the country you are IN or the country they are FROM.  I know, I know, there is way too much thought put into this, but seriously, it is freakishly awkward.  All this needs to be thought about and decided before you actually go in for the greeting, otherwise, you end up in a half hug/half kiss situation, or worse, a kiss on the lips situation -- which, trust me, ain't cool.

I asked my husband what he thinks the rules are, and his reply?   "Just kiss everyone".  Humph.

So maybe I'm over thinking this.  But for anyone that plans to make a home over here, be warned.  Practice the air kissing, and be prepared to use it on just about everyone you meet.  As for me, the hugs will be flowing like water when I come home to the US out of sheer relief. :)

Kiss kiss.  Adios.