Out of Hiding

I vividly remember my first Mother's Day.  Evan was about 3 months old, and we planned a nice Sunday brunch out with just the three of us...Chris, Evan and myself.  At that time, juggling a meal out still felt like somewhat of a challenge.  In fact, this might have been our first restaurant experience as a family of three.  I had grabbed a frozen bottle of breast milk to feed him while we were there, remembered a change of clothes and diapers, and even managed to get myself squeezed into some presentable clothes.  Like most newborn-ish babies, Evan slept most of the time peacefully in his car seat carrier next to us in the booth.  We ordered our Eggs Benedict, marveled at what a great baby he was, and congratulated ourselves for getting up and out that morning to celebrate such a important day.

Somewhere between the first bite of food, and us patting ourselves on the back, Evan woke up.  Screaming.

Hiding my flustered spirit, I put on a smug smile, and pulled out the frozen bottle of breast milk that was neatly packed in its own little cooler.  Not to worry, I was prepared.  Then I stopped smiling.  This thing was solid as a rock, and was going to take forever to thaw out.  We frantically flagged down the waiter to ask for the hottest water he could find, while I bounced hungry little Evan up and down in my arms trying to calm him and ducking from the curious stares for everyone around us.  The hot water came, Evan screamed, and Chris tried in vein to thaw five ounces of milk in a little bowl that kept splashing all over the table.  It wasn't working, and the longer he tried, the more Evan screamed.

Red faced, overwhelmed, and on the verge of tears I asked Chris to please just ask the waiter to pack up the food to go, as I bumped and banged my way down the aisle of tables with Evan in one arm, a diaper bag slung over the other, and the stroller up on front of us, Evan's screaming echoing throughout the restaurant.

I think about this day, and I just don't get it.  Why the HELL didn't I just pull up my shirt, pop Evan on to nurse, pick my fork back up and continue my conversation with my husband???

Nursing in public.  This isn't a breastfeeding public service announcement, or some kind of repressed nursing mother's cry, it is simply an observation of life abroad.  When I arrived in Barcelona, as a mother of two kids already, I noticed something right off the bat.  Women nursed very comfortably in public.  They were discrete about it in that they were not exposing themselves to anyone, but there was no excusing themselves to another room during a dinner party, no hiding out in the restaurant parking lot in their car, no using huge sheet like contraptions to cover their babies and 3/4 of their bodies, or spending hours planning and scheming a pumping and/or bottle schedule so they can attend a public function without having to miss the fun.  And perhaps most importantly, there were no disapproving, uncomfortable stares of people around them while they nursed.  No stares, no cares.  Just life carrying on as usual...with a mother feeding her baby as part of the mix.

I remember sitting in the waiting room of my OB's office while I was still pregnant with Jordi.  A new mother was also in the waiting room, holding her one week old baby, happy and glowing.  Her husband sat next to her, and the four of us sat talking, sharing stories and tips for new parenthood.  Mid-conversation her baby started to fuss, so she spoke sweet words to him as she worked to get him latched on, still a bit of a challenge at this point.  Her husband helped her, and once the baby was settled nursing, they both looked back over to us to continue the conversation.  I was surprised and impressed by her comfort level, still new to nursing, and willing to do so in front of strangers.  I have to say, I was super proud of Chris.  He never gets weird about it, always includes the mother in the conversation looking her in the eye and smiling...when I ask him if it is awkward to see a woman breastfeed in public, he just laughs, "Why would it be?  People need to stop thinking so much!"  Amen my love.

Giving birth here, I think I was most excited to take advantage of the freedom to nurse when and where I needed to.  And though it is hard to say if it was my bolstered confidence as an experienced mother, my lack of time to care, or the supportive environment where I live...but his infancy has been a breeze in comparison to my other two.  When he cries, all I need is a place to sit down (or not...a saavy experienced mom here even taught me how to nurse him in his Ergo carrier while walking!). ...and if someone had told me this while I was living in the USA I would have thought, "OH, one of THOSE mothers".  In-your-face-crunchy-mama, out to prove a point.  But it's just not like there here.  Feeding your baby when and how you choose is simply an extension of the live and let live mentality I think...a part of life, do as you please, we don't have an opinion one way or another.  Life goes on, and a mama needs to be part of it.  Bottles or breasts, it doesn't matter.  Women need to be included and supported in any parenting decision, period.  I think part of it also has to do with the love of children...babies are included no matter what, and if nursing is part of baby and mama's life, then it is accepted by everyone, no questions asked.

Man, I will miss it.

I was sitting by the window on the bus on day, nursing Jordi as we made our way back home.  An elderly Catalan woman sat down next to me, looked down at Jordi, and gave me the sweetest smile and gently stroked Jordi's head as he nursed, whispering little words of affection and offering me very heartfelt congratulations.

While Chris and I were out one afternoon, we stopped in a newly opened spice store to look around...Jordi started to fuss, so I found a chair in the corner and started to feed him...the shop keeper came over to me to chat while I fed him.  Asking me how old he was, and where we were from...all with a smile on her face.

No hiding.  No confinement.    

I will say it worries me a bit to go home to the USA, away from this very protected, supportive environment.  I'd like to think I have the confidence to continue to stay out of hiding and continue to nurse on the go.  But I don't know if that is the case.  I was so used to the openness of the Spanish people here, I didn't think much about nursing Jordi in the living room during a mostly American holiday function held here at a friend's house in Barcelona.  Sure enough, about 1 minute after people noticed what I was doing, the room slowly cleared out.  I was alone on the couch, the rest of the party was across the room, no one was talking to me anymore, until a friend noticed and came over to chat with me.  I felt like I was offending people, or doing something inappropriate...those familiar feelings from Evan and Mia's infancy all came flooding back to me.  I understood, to a certain degree.  It's not something many Americans are used to being around, so up close and personal.  A bit like the topless women at the beaches here, maybe it just doesn't translate in American life.  Not yet.

I guess my point is, there is a different way.  Feeding your baby doesn't have to be a breastfeeding public service announcement ...all it really means is that Mama wants to continue to live her life, and feeding her baby is now part of that equation.  No need to complicate things with hidden meanings or messages.  No need to complicate things period.  So many feelings and opinions about how women choose to feed their babies in the USA... guilt and pressure, judgement and anger...a need to defend choices, when really, it isn't any one else's business or concern.  New mothers have enough complicating factors, sacrifices, and challenges.  Finding a hiding spot or worrying what other people think how you are feeding your baby (via bottle, breast or a combination of both) shouldn't be one of them.  New mothers need support and encouragement, and to feel like they still have a life outside of their duties to feed and respond to their babies.  Life goes on, just smile and keep talking.

Lunch at Camp Nou :)