Say Something in Spanish

I get this phrase a lot when we go home to the States.  I hate when people say this to me.  It feels like a challenge -- an unsolicited assessment of my ability and progress.  It reminds me of when I was younger, and people found out I could play the piano -- "play something", would be the inevitable response, and it never felt like the person really wanted to hear piano music, but rather just wanted to see if you were any good.  

I'm having issues learning Spanish, in case the defensive rant above didn't tip you off.  

I started off the year here with a lot of enthusiasm.  I had absolutely no background in Spanish, so after we arrived in Barcelona I decided to just dive right in and enroll in a beginners class twice weekly.  I assumed that by living in a country that spoke the language, and taking a class, I would be  "conversational" level in no time.  Now, I'm not the most chatty, outgoing person to begin with, and these classes were akin to going on an awkward first date with someone who doesn't speak your language -- even worse, you could only speak in a third language that neither of you spoke.  It.  Was.  Brutal.  Always pairing off to have these contrived brain numbing little chats about what you would pack on a beach vacation.  I get it.  I know what it was meant to achieve, but honestly after the 21 year-old German au pair and I ran out of Spanish words in 30 seconds, it didn't feel like I was getting any closer to speaking Spanish.  It really just felt like a social experiment gone horribly awry.  Plus the class was a 40 minute metro ride away, and this was during the time period when our entire family was half dead with the Catalan Plague of 2012.  I made it six weeks and quit. 

After limping along with Rosetta Stone and the powers of osmosis for a few months, I decided get back on the horse in September and use a private tutor once a week since Chris was having such great success with his.  I figured this would suit my personality and I could actually make some progress with my conversational Spanish with some good one-on-one, sin awkward pair offs....yet another strike out.  The main issue I had with the tutoring was the amount of material she threw at me.  It was dizzying.  Every week was a new tense when I barely had a handle on the one we just learned, and she would assign what I consider to be a lot of homework.  Inevitably, I wouldn't be able to finish it all, and we would meet the following week only for it to be brutally obvious I hadn't worked on what I was supposed to.  I wanted to be good at it.  To pick it up quickly.  To impress the teacher.  And instead I just mumbled and bumbled through our conversations feeling like a complete idiot, ultimately coming to the realization that I will never, ever speak Spanish.  I stopped tutoring because I felt like a big fat failure. 

Excuses, excuses, excuses. 

In my head, I had my reasons.  I tell myself, I don't have time for this shit.  Make no mistake, my children are my heart and soul, but it doesn't change the fact that staying home with them full time can suck the life out of me some (most) days.  There have been many well written articles and blog posts about the trials and tribulations of what I describe, I won't bore you with more, but will just say that when my children are finally asleep in their beds, the house is picked up, and my entire being has sunk into the couch like a lead balloon at 8pm -- sitting down to an hour of learning Spanish verb conjugations is not high on my list of things I want to do.  It isn't actually anywhere on my list of things I want to do.  Add to this the whole "I'm-living-in-a-foreign-country-and-have-no-idea-what-I'm-doing" look I've been sporting for the past year, and you start to get an idea why my brain has essentially been an impenetrable cement block. 

Excuses, excuses, excuses. 

So around Christmastime, I completely gave up.  I decided to just keep on with the osmosis method -- picking up what I can by listening, and looking up what I need to know when I need to know it.  My comprehension, I'd like to think, is pretty good.  I get what people are saying to me, most of the time, and can function perfectly fine in stores, markets, restaurants, and dealing with little household stuff at the bank or post office.  I can get by fine, which has also contributed to my complacency.

But this week, something inside me changed.   I realized "getting by" isn't good enough for me anymore.  For me, it is simply unacceptable to come home in a year and have a less than basic level of Spanish.   I think a lot of this renewed vigor for learning comes from the fact that life in general is pretty calm and relaxed now...I'm not on sensory overload just walking out the door, and I've also realized that I am able to do this I just have to SPEAK. I have to open my mouth and just try, and keep trying.  You can't learn a language if you are afraid to speak it.  My tutor would often say to me that I worry too much about making sure my grammar is perfect, when really I should just keep talking regardless of whether or not it is right or wrong. 

I made some steps in the right direction yesterday -- I contacted my old tutor, and asked to start up our weekly hour together.  I asked our babysitter, who comes over to watch the kids once a week in the morning, to speak only in Spanish with me from now on.  I fired up good old Rosetta Stone, and bought an easy reader book in Spanish to start reading. 

It's time to get serious, and put in the effort.  Exhaustion or not, I can devote at least 30 minutes a day to Spanish studying.  It can be done, and I owe it to myself to at least try.  My hope and goal is to be proficient enough when we come home next year, that I would actually be able to see Spanish speaking patients, and use what I've learned at work...maybe even work on brushing up my French as well. 

So go ahead... ask me to say something in Spanish.  Next time, I'll be ready. 

Smile Worthy Moments

Things I'm loving in Barcelona this week...

Old folks playing Pétanque (what I thought was Bocce)

While my mother was visiting last summer, she remarked on how many older men and women were out and about in our neighborhood. Dressed to the nines, grocery cart squeaking along in front of them, the grandmas and the grandpas don't collect dust around here.  They have a shockingly active social life. Perhaps it is the close proximity to one another, and how closely integrated families seem to be here. Or maybe they just don't want to miss all the fun. Whatever it is, I notice old people seem pretty involved in the community. Specifically, there is a group of old men playing pétanque in the park that, for some reason, makes my heart smile every time I see them. Huge packs of men, in their 60's, 70's, 80's, and maybe even 90's gathered around like school boys playing ball together, religiously, every morning. What a great morning. What a great life. They have each other, they have a sport, they have an organic way to connect that does involve an expensive retirement home or a fancy country club membership. They aren't stuck at home, or at the mercy of someone to drive them or entertain them. They are out there enjoying their lives, and while they may be bickering in Catalan for all I can understand, they seem happy. That makes me happy to see.  I haven't yet been able to remember to bring my camera to catch them in action (and worry a bit about looking like a weirdo taking their picture while they play), but hope to do this during the coming week and will edit to add a photo if I get it. 

Homemade French Desserts...and Boqueria Domination

Some wonderful friends of ours came over for dinner Friday, which was certainly one of the highlights of the week.  And in preparation for our dinner this night, I had a little beef tenderloin adventure that actually had a happy ending.  Finding good quality cuts of beef in Barcelona is no small feat.  There is enough pork and fish to feed three continents around here, but the beef...not so easy to find.  Deciphering the equivalent cuts you want in both Spanish and Catalan is near impossible, and then trying to determine if it is good quality/humanely raised/grass-fed...forget it.  This week I decided to run with the heavy hitters at La Boqueria -- one of the biggest and perhaps one of the most famous fresh markets in Europe --  and actually came home victorious.  This may not seem like a big deal, but this place is like the New York Stock Exchange for food...in a foreign language.  I practically skipped out of there, loin in hand, having a "F-yeah I got this" moment.  I love those.

And God bless the lovely Delphine and her amazing French abilities in the kitchen...arriving at our home with a homemade lemon meringue pie that would have brought my mother to tears.  C'était parfait.  The whole night was, actually.  When you get an Italian man and a French woman who speak Spanish to each other in the home of two English-speaking Americans, there is entertainment just in the way we all communicate with each other.  Love these two. 

 

Super Hero Capes

Super Evan

Evan has started going to a little drop-off playgroup of about 8 children ages 3-6 in El Born -- one of the neighborhoods downtown Barcelona.  They meet two mornings a week from 10-1, and they are a mix of Spanish and English speakers so they hold the group in both languages.  The group is run by a fantastic young woman from South Africa who has an amazing way with children.  The kids have a blast together -- there is a little boy from the UK that Evan especially loves, who I think has reinforced Evan's new found British accent.  Very odd thing.  My child moved to Spain, hasn't started speaking Spanish yet but now has a British accent.  You do the math.  Anyway, Evan is loving it.  Obsessed with it, actually.  It is actually borderline embarrassing when your child starts yelling, "No!  No! Just a little longer!" the second he sees you coming to pick him up.  *Sigh*  Anyway, last week was super hero week.  Homemade magic capes, magic wands, masks...adorable.  He brought his cape home, and wore it around town all week. Oh, and the rando guy in the purple tights and green undies is apparently Super Bello Man, a local comedian/personality who came in to teach the kids how to use super powers to help people without using violence.  Also smile worthy.

Evan is sitting on the teacher's lap

2nd Trimester Baby Bumps

....and little baby flutters.  :)

And now, if you will excuse me, there is some leftover lemon meringue pie in the fridge that is calling my name.

Traveling with Kids

 

 

A while back, a friend of mine asked me to share with her some tips for traveling with children.  I am no expert by any means (let's be honest, our restaurant lunches out have been known to involve at least one tantrum and broken glass, I still bring stuff we don't need, forget the stuff we do need, and utter the words “this is BRUTAL” at least once or twice during vacation).  HOWEVER, I wanted to share our experiences because I think when children burst into our world, we assume our days of adventure and travel are over, at least for the foreseeable future.  Strollers, pack and plays, toys, diapers, bottles, tantrums, naps, bedtimes...none of these are exactly conducive to a relaxing vacation. And it's true – traveling with children is a wild ride. The successes are sweet, and the fails are often epic.  

 

But it IS possible, and even enjoyable, to do it.  In the past year we have managed to see some incredible places with our children. Chris and I always say -- no matter how difficult it was to make the trip happen, we have never once regretted the decision to go. Bottom line is, we are always happy we did it.  And, like childbirth, you often forget the bad parts and only remember the good.  Call it unrealistic, or optimistic, but I kind of like it that way.
 

 

 

So.  While it hasn't exactly been convenient to have two toddlers along for this European adventure of ours, it has really helped us become more realistic, lighthearted, and simplistic in our approach to parenting and traveling.  Big deals, aren't so big anymore...and previously thought "necessities" are not so important.  It isn't my intention to sugar coat it -  children will never be my #1 choice for travel companions -- but it is important that we share our experiences and show that it IS possible to live a travel and adventure filled life with the small people we love so much in tow.  And it doesn't have to mean only going to Disney World, Lego Land, or some other equally expensive kid-friendly destination. 

What follows are some tips, tricks, and points-of-view that have helped me along the way. 

1.  For breastfeeding mothers -- nurse in public!   Europe is MUCH more supportive and accepting of public nursing, so it really isn't an issue here like it often is in the States.  It has really opened my eyes and helped me realize feeding your baby in public is no big deal.  I know in the US you practically have to hide under a comforter in a dark corner of the room lest you be deemed an inappropriate exhibitionist.  There were times I was lugging pumps, bottles, sanitizing bags -- the whole nine-- on vacation with me just so I would be able to pump bottles to feed my baby if we would be out in public.  What is the point?!  Who cares if anyone is looking, don't mess with bottles and pumps on vacation if you don't have to.   It will make packing and planning so much easier to just nurse when you gotta nurse.  The world will get over it, and you will be helping to normalize something that should be normal to begin with. 

 

2.  When possible, we stay in a place that has at least two rooms - like a suite/adjoining room, apartment, or house -- so once the kids are in bed (which is often much earlier than you want to be in bed) we have a place to hang out, drink wine, and/or watch movies without having to be quiet because we are sharing a room with sleeping children.   There are deals to be found if you look, so it doesn't always have to mean double the money, and I find it very, very necessary especially once you have two.  We've had great luck with finding inexpensive apartments and suites by traveling off season, which have been a lifesaver with the kids.  Having a kitchen is fantastic to avoid having to eat in a restaurant three times a day -- we have a leisurely breakfast at home, and usually cook dinner at home one or two nights also.  Feels like you actually have a home base.  Even better when there is laundry on site -- you can bring 1/2 the amount of clothes you need, and just wash mid-vacation!  Love that. 

 

3.  Travel days are fun days.  In my humble opinion, airports and planes are no place to teach moral values, partake in only educational activities, or get a balanced meal.  My motto is, keep 'em happy, keep 'em quiet, and we all win.  Lollipops are my special airport treat --- they know they only get them when we travel, and when they are getting their hair cut (crucial keep happy/quiet moments).  I keep a bag of lollipops in my purse and whip them out when things get hairy, and they immediately clam up. I let Evan watch the ipad until he goes blind, and let Mia drink juice until she explodes. Whatever keeps them happy and quiet on the plane, works for me . Oh, and I never bring a huge bag of toys. They just get lost, are heavy to carry, and only keep them occupied for a few minutes anyway. I just bring a pad of paper, some crayons, 1-2 books, and some movies on the ipad. And food.  Lots of food.  Works for us like a charm.  The nice part is, they more they fly, the more they know what to expect and the better behaved they become.  You just have to dive in.

 

 

 

4.  Along the same lines -- always have food on you.  I like PB&J that won't go bad, kids are always hungry and usually the only thing readily available while traveling is fast food and you can't do that all day everyday.

 

5.  Bring the stroller.  I repeat -- BRING THE STROLLER.  It's a rolling suitcase, crib, and full body restraint system all in one.  My children are 2 and 4, and I still can't imagine traveling without our beloved double City Mini.  Most airlines let you check if free right at the gate, but here in Europe the cheap budget airline makes you pay for a double stroller.   We don't care, we still bring it.  Bring a stroller with you that is easy for the kids sleep in so they can nap if they need to while you are out doing stuff .  We are lucky, Evan can go without a nap now if he needs to, but Mia still needs a daily nap to avoid turning into monster baby.  I'm an admitted sleep-psycho and am somewhat neurotic making sure my kids get enough sleep, nap on time, and go to bed early.  I have become MUCH more relaxed with this since we've started traveling more, and on our recent trip to the UK Mia did most of her napping in the stroller and car seat and managed fine. I used to worry that I would "ruin the routine" if I didn't stick to the exact schedule during vacation, but that isn't the case. A few days of short naps and late bedtimes doesn't hurt anyone or anything, and if you notice it is making them overly cranky and impossible to handle, then just make the next day a day a "sleep day" and work in a nap and earlier bedtime. Nothing wrong with relaxing with a book on vacation for a few hours while they recharge their batteries.

 

6.  Be flexible.  We have a loose plan, but we also work around them and what they are able to do/see.  We aren't afraid to do what we want to do, but we try to be flexible when we have to be -- pushing them past their limit is never worth it in the long run.  Ultimately, we are never able to see everything we want to see.  We don't have long leisurely lunches and dinners. There are some tantrums, meltdowns, and fights. But like Chris and I always say, we are always glad we did it, and always leave with the best memories.  For us, it gets easier with each trip. The kids get used to it too, and know what to expect and what is expected of them.

 

7.  I liked to bring my own portable crib with us for a baby (the hotel ones creep me out) but when possible we rent car seats when we get where we are going rather than bring our own on the plane.  We also buy a bunch of diapers once we get there rather then packing diapers for a week, and avoid bringing things like bumbo seats, high chairs, satchels of toys, feeding paraphernalia, etc.  Minimize the packing, and it makes traveling a lot less daunting.  Europe doesn't do high chairs, booster seats, kiddie cups, or kiddie menus and we've realized that you really don't need it.  It is a "nice to have" kind of thing, but for me, traveling light is paramount to having "all the right stuff" with us at all times.  We can go 4 days without sippie cups and bibs without the world coming to an end.
 

 

 

So, that's been our experience so far...Cheers to traveling with kids! May we pack light, laugh often, and for God's sake, always have snacks. :)

Home Again

My mother and I -- first hug in 6 months

There are moments when it is hard to be away from family...and moments when it is impossible to be away from family. I had one of those impossible moments a few weeks back, after a conversation with my mother about the declining health of my grandmother.  Although her condition was not unexpected, it didn't make it any easier to accept that I was 3000 miles away during a time when our family needed to be together. It had been six months since I had seen family, and I felt every piece of myself longing to be home. A week later, Evan and I had a flight booked to Boston to do just that. To be with family. To recharge our batteries. To say goodbye to Grandma. I knew it was going to be an exhausting week, and it was. We had about 5 full days to see our immediate families spread across the outer reaches of the state, but I knew it was important to do it. And although it was short...and I wish Chris and Mia were there with us...and wish we had time to see more family and more friends...I'm so very glad we went.
 

The trip did have a bumpy start.  To begin with -- our flight to Boston was scheduled for Blizzard Friday, excellent timing, I must say.  We pushed it back to Monday, which made for a very crowded flight, but regardless, we made it to the US in time for all the snow chaos to have cleared.   

Chris had to stay behind for work, and we decided that it would be best for Mia to hang back in Barcelona as well.  She is more sensitive to the jet lag, and tends to get exhausted quickly while traveling.  Evan has always been a very easy going traveler, and I knew he would really appreciate and understand this time home to see family.  Plus -- his 4th birthday was coming up, so it was a special treat for everyone to be able to celebrate with him in person!

The best part about going home is realizing that we can always pick up where we left off. I say it everytime we are home... “I feel like I never left”. As a family we sit around the kitchen talking, we make breakfast together, we lay in our Pjs. It is easy, not forced, and it doesn't feel like anything has changed...even though just about everything in my life has. 
 

 

An especially nice part of this trip was watching Evan with his older cousins. My sisters' combined four children are 4-8 years older than Evan, yet all seem to love taking him under their wing to show him their toys and games. And this isn't a “ain't life wonderful, let's sugar coat the world” kind of statement.. they really are kind of nauseatingly sweet to each other. My heart swells to see that kind of bond between them. Like the best kind of brothers and sisters. The kind you are always happy to see. Even better, I was a free woman! It was the first time I was able to visit with my sisters, and have Evan off running around with the rest of the kids while I sipped coffee and relaxed. I'm usually changing diapers, soothing a crying baby, putting someone down for a nap, or making sure someone is not going to fall down the stairs. I was loving this big kid time...for Evan and Mama.

Jake and Cam greeted Evan with hugs and cookies :)

Cuddle time

 

Grammie and Evan

Why yes.  That IS me screaming for joy in front of Target. 

My sister and I

My niece Addie made this amazing cake!!!

4 years old!

 

I got rub the beautiful baby bump that is my future nephew...my gorgeous sister-in-law looking adorable and happy at about 6 months along.

She models her new gift from Lynne aka "Meemah"

Uncle Jay helping Evan build his new train set



A very happy Nannie and Evan

More Uncle Jay time

And there was Grandma.

Grandma and I two months before we left for Barcelona

Family, in general, I find to be a fascinating dynamic.  I wholeheartedly believe the most interesting people you meet in your life will be the people in your own family. You are entrusted with their imperfections, and privileged (or burdened...) with their opinions. You see them when vulnerable and you are holding them at their highest during moments of greatness.  Yet, after all this time together, and with all this knowledge...we don't always understand the people in our family. There are those dynamic family members in every family that always keep you guessing.  We've all got 'em.  I used to think I had to have everyone figured out.  Mold relationships into what I thought it should be according to the Bible of Acceptable Family Relationships. But the truth is, sometimes you just have to step back and acknowledge the person and the relationship for exactly what is is. Because although we are tied together as family, we are all really just individuals on our own path, searching for our own meaning...however different from each other as it may be. And it is often different.  As family we share space, and we are privy to each other's paths, but it doesn't mean we have to be on the same one.  We are there to support each other, to influence each other...to open each other's eyes to new perspectives, other lifestyles, and help stretch our understanding of generational differences. And sometimes...we are just there to observe.  To choose to remember and take in the best of what the other person has to offer, and shrug off what we don't yet understand.

As a first generation American who grew up during the time of the depression, Grandma always had a big personality. Growing up in that generation, I personally think that is just who you had to be...focused and determined to survive. Eyes straight ahead. One foot in front of the other. I came to know my Grandmother as a regimented, stylish, self-disciplined woman who places great value on hard work. She loves to entertain, has a generous heart, and loves her family. She isn't the quiet Grandma in the kitchen baking cookies...she is the Grandma refinishing the deck and hanging dry wall. :)

 

During our visit, Grandma asked me, "Is this how your children will remember me?  Sick in bed?"
 

I held her hand as I spoke. I told her my memories of going to her house for holidays as a child...the beautifully decorated tables, the food and the traditions.   I will remember her awesome fried chicken, and potato salad with eggs...when she insisted I drink warm orange juice as a child to “coat the throat” and rid the sickness, and the little animal figurines she would save for me from her Red Rose tea boxes. I will remember her beautifully curled blonde hair, the string of bright beads around her neck that always matched her shoes, and her attention to detail. I choose to remember a Grandma with a bold personality and accessories to match.   I assured her, that is how my children will remember her too.  I said goodbye, and told her I loved her.

It wasn't an easy week...certainly more emotionally charged and physically exhausting than our two week vacation to the US in August. But, it was necessary.