A Bend in the Road: June 2013

On our way to the USA

I sit here, amazed my children are in bed and quiet before 10pm for the first time this week (jet lag at its finest), faced with a small burst of inspiration and energy to put the last three months into words. This isn't going to be easy. Especially with a busted laptop that requires the use of a TV monitor as our screen. First world problems, all of this, I am aware.

I have those moments in life when I truly believe we can do it all. When having a third child amidst an overseas move seems like another fun adventure to take. When I'm scouring Ryanair for flight deals, planning jam packed trips home to the US, rocking out some pot pies, and living in the moment. Then I have those moments like this ENTIRE WEEK. When the world comes crashing down. When I am so exhausted I can't move, the bus driver yells at me in Catalan for using the exit door on the bus, my children are running in circles around me like wild Indians everywhere we go because their lives have been devoid of routine and adequate sleep for weeks on end, and laundry is spilling out of suitcases piled to the ceiling. When I long for the familiar, stability, and routine. We ask are ourselves, during weeks like this...is it worth it?

Yes. The answer is always yes.

I've been running on a high since just after Easter. The worst of the morning sickness was finally over, and I was feeling good...ready to take the next few months by storm, and see as much as we possibly could before the newest little man came into our world, which would soon be followed by the all consuming plan for the move back home to the US. But my engine came screeching to a halt this week. Could be that I am officially in my third trimester. And horribly jet lagged. Though, I think much of this "fried" feeling has to do with ending our spring of travel with a trip home to the US. It was a different kind of a visit home this year, busy as usual, but mentally confusing as well... knowing the next time we would be back, we would be back for good. It made coming back to Barcelona feel sad and weird. Difficult to describe. In so many ways I wish we could stay in Barcelona longer, see more, experience everything possible. Continue to live this simple life, surrounded by children, families, and sunshine. And in many ways, I didn't want to leave the US while we were home, feeling ready to be back NOW...to get some roots again, and feel grounded in some way. Nesting is not so easy when you don't even know which forest you belong to anymore. Enough to make a pregnant brain short circuit.

It helped coming home to one of the most fun and lively celebrations in Barcelona, and actually a very appropriate ending to our spring madness: the celebration of the summer solstice, Nit de Sant Joan. Reminding us to continue to soak in every moment, be thankful for everything we've been able to see and experience, and continue to live what we love regardless of where we are. The laundry will get done. The children will get back on their schedule. Life will be calm and predictable again...don't let these moments pass by in anticipation for what is next. Slow down, and look. The world is (quite literally) on fire. And its beautiful.

The last few months have been filled with some unforgettable moments that I need to get down on paper. I'm going to plug away at some shortened versions of each over the next few days in hopes I can get caught up, and leave some time and room for some other thoughts that have been on my mind lately. Anyway, next up on tap...because I always love a list:

1. April visit from my sister and mother