I remember dreaming of moving abroad long before it ever became a possibility. I think from the time I returned home from my semester abroad in college, I felt quite certain that this was a life I wanted, and needed, to make happen again someday. When Chris and I got married, I think we were drawn to a move abroad to prove to ourselves that we wouldn't get caught up in what we then thought to be a monotonous life outside of our control. One that was dictated by mortgages, bedtimes, deadlines, and commutes. We wanted the comfort of starting a family together AND adventure. We wanted it all.
When the opportunity came about at Chris' work, and eventually came to be, I think I assumed this experience would be mostly about adventure. What I would experience OUTSIDE myself - new places, cultures, people, and food. I assumed we would simply be transplanting our existing little family into a new world to see and experience a different way of life - a temporary escape from the "norm", emerging at the end of the two years with some amazing memories and pictures, and maybe a more extensive Spanish vocabulary. But I had no idea how much of this experience was actually about looking internally, rather than externally. Absolutely, the travel was incredible, and there is no question that traveling to new countries and cities was my favorite part of living abroad, but the daily life was almost a separate experience entirely.
Life in Barcelona was a glimpse. A temporary kick outside my world as I knew it, to hold up a magnifying glass to my previous life, forcing me to look long and hard at it. I arrived there, in the mindset of continuously having to define who I was. What kind of mother I was. What I did for a living. What I wore, where I lived. It was a painful process, having all of that stripped away in Barcelona. Suddenly the last 30 years of existence had no relevance. I was a nameless, faceless wife and mother, just trying survive day to day. And what mattered most, was my Achilles heel -- making personal connections, and enjoying the daily moments as they unraveled, without plans or expectations for what comes next. It was a daily exercise in tempering The Planner, The Great Assessor - to simply just BE. The daily chores of life were challenge enough...finding ingredients for dinner, paying a bill, running an errand. It didn't leave room for the excess noise. Life was not easy, but it was simple. And it showed me a different way of looking at life -- it forced me to live in a way that will forever change how I experience life, regardless of where I am.
What I was left with at the end of this experience is a realization that what really matters in my life translates across all continents. For me, it came down to this - being truly present, cutting out the noise, and embracing what truly makes me happy. I constantly ask myself, "if I was laying on my deathbed, would I be glad I spent my day this way?"
Living in Spain helped me realize that, all along, I had the tools for enjoying life - I could be present, and find beauty in the daily moments everyday, regardless of where I was. This experience gave me the gift of perspective. And the beautiful part is, once I was able to exercise this in Barcelona -- a place where I was constantly challenged and far from my family -- coming back to the US felt like someone had blown the ceiling off my world, and the possibilities seem endless.
I had started a blog entry prior to our leaving Barcelona that I never finished, but I feel like what I wrote has some relevance here:
"As our stuff disappears from the rooms, you can almost see the life draining away...and I'm struck by the fact that four walls are just four walls. We come into a home, an empty shell, and we infuse it with life. With laughter, and tears, and food, and toys...books and friends, pets and plans. The house changes around us. We wear down the floors, and leave little drawings on the baseboards.
It becomes a HOME.
But it isn't the place that is home. It is the people inside. And as we walk through this empty apartment, the way we walked through our empty house two years prior, I'm reminded of that very fact. The house is an empty shell without life running through it. We are the soul, we are what create a home. It doesn't matter where we are, what kind of house we live in, or what "things" are inside of it -- the five of us together is what will define our family, our home."
I can end this blog by saying it was an incredible road we took. I'm grateful, and humbled by the experience...grateful for all the wonderful friends we made, people we met, and places we saw. I'm grateful I was able to live in such an incredible city. I would often meet people, from all over the world, who had traveled their whole lives and specifically choose Barcelona as their final landing spot...and I can see why.
Thank you to my friends and family for reading this little blog, and for your words of encouragement along the way. Knowing we were able to share our experiences and feel connected while we were so far away made all the difference to us...it made coming home feel like somehow, we've been here all along. It feels amazing to be back.
And to those back in Europe...we will see you again friends :) Kisses, hugs, and lots of love to all of you.
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